paddlefish – Page 28 – Science Fare

Back in the 80’s, my family owned a campground in the Black Hills. I worked there each summer, and so did my friend John. The resort was a shade of its former glory. In the 60’s it had been a full resort, with cabin rentals, a lodge, olympic sized swimming pool, miniature golf, etc… But by the time we bought it, it was just a campground (but that part was still awesome).

That old pool leaked like a sieve (and I think it’s still there, see the rectangle in this satellite photo?). We had to pump gallons of water into it each day. This wasn’t really all that wasteful, because we pumped it out of the creek, and it just leaked back into the groundwater and ended up in the creek again. It made it difficult to chlorinate, however, so we just gave up on that. Also, it was frigid (this is the Black Hills, after all).

There was also a trout fishing pond just east of the pool. Those fish were stupid easy to catch, as they were trained to eat the food pellets we threw in for them. One day Dad caught a trout and on a whim threw it into the old pool. I don’t think the guests swimming in there ever new it was in there with them. All that summer, we’d catch grasshoppers and feed the trout in the pool. Come fall, when we were closing up the place for the winter, we took a fly rod over to the pool and caught the trout — Ate him that night. He had grown into a huge fish! And was much tastier, having fed on bugs and stuff blowing into the pool, rather than the fish pellets the other trout got. (Pellet-fed fish always ended up tasting mealy in comparison to wild fish).

The long dead “MGROE wiki” was home to some amusing stuff. This was back in the day when not everyone had a blog, and geocities pages were just too much work (and too lame). Ah, high school. Who remembers the long lost “MGROE dictionary”?

Members of MGROE have their own way of speaking. For those who are new to the clan, or are from a different branch :-), this page contains definitions of all our wacky euphemisms.

BillFest — An old ritual based solely on camping-out and drinking in the woods near Slate Creek in the Black Hills. It was so named because someone, while under the influence of alcohol, noted that someone else was acting like the mentally handicapped TV-movie character “Bill” (portrayed by Mickey Rooney in the early 1980s). The name was never endorsed by the latter, and indeed we tried really hard to disguise the fact that we referred to the camp-out binge-drinking as BillFest at all. (Names withheld to protect the not-so-innocent.)
Corporate Retreat — A (semi-?) annual gathering of MGROErs. Similar to BillFest, except we don’t camp-out, we don’t really drink. Be we do often go to the woods near Slate Creek.
“MGROE” — “Merry-Go-Round of Enlightenment” formerly “‘COJ-Circle of Jerks”‘, name was changed when women started to join. Circle of Jerks and Jerkettes was just too cumbersome. But can’t women be jerks? Not technically speaking. A female jerk is a wench and COW is not very flattering. Group of folks who all know someone from the original mailing list who exchange ideas, opinions, favorite links and recipies, etc. You are Mgroe! Yea!
“Naked tram” — an (extinct?) tradition of flinging oneself across a rocky canyon while wearing no clothes. This absurd activity somehow is purported to facilitate “male bonding”.
“Naked tramp” — a variation of naked tram involving a trampoline and/or bum.
“Philictionary” — refers to any odd pronunciation of words performed by Phil, esp. on HHK tapes; examples: “aliphant” instead of elephant and “alevator” instead of elevator. Also the combination of two words forming a new one that actually makes sense. No examples at time of publication.
“Sodie” — uh, soda pop? See also “‘sodie-pop economics.”‘
“Sodie-pop economics” — Economic luminaries such as Alan Greenspan have struggled for years to achieve a complete understanding of the complexities of sodie-pop economics. Essay forthcoming.
“Yuk” — A culinary creation, the name originally attributed to “‘Lynn Hamblin”‘ (AKA “Holy Sweats” Hamblin – see Holey Sweat Pants – if you dare) consisting of elbow macaroni combined with any edible substance one has on hand. For example, elbow macaroni with jalapeno tuna and horseradish, or the gourmet delight “‘Western Yuk”‘: elbow macaroni, sloppy joe, and baked beans. “‘Chris Buzzetta”‘ is a recent master of the form; he has expanded the definition of Yuk to include any pasta, rice, or potato product combined with any available canned goods (soup, vegetables, etc.), all eaten out of an unwashed mixing bowl. Mmmmmm! THIS JUST IN: word has it that John Knowles is working on a new Yuk variation: “‘Tropical Yuk,”‘ which could involve any or all of the above with canned pineapple added. Early experiments have involved Chef Boyardee canned ravioli and canned pineapple. Dee-licious!
“Mugging Up” — The process of filling an insulated 32 oz. refill-for-25 cents Common Cents mug with a variety of soft drink available from the Common Cents quick shop on Mt. Rushmore Rd. in Rapid City. Also refers to an ancient Friday night ritual undertaken before watching movies at the Knowles residence until 4am (or later). (This ritual could also be performed at the Texaco quick shop once they started offering big honkin’ mugs that could be refilled for a pittance.) Mugging up was especially effective when employing the “fill mug-drain in three gulps-fill again and pay” maneuver. — Eric [It was also standard to pretend to be urinating in the mug while filling it. This faux-fill was typically accompanied by much heel-rocking and eye-rolling. Also, for me anyway, a blueberry pie would be required for a truly satisfactory mug-up.–Lee] — As a former expert on Mugging Up, I believe that the practice began at the Mt. Rushmore Rd.(AKA 8th St) Mini Mart that was conveniently located next door to Wilson Elementary School (My, what an education THAT was!), but the Texaco station had the biggest, uh, mugs. –John
“Holey Sweat Pants” — Philip saw more than he wanted of Lynn Hamblin, thanks to these infamous sweat pants and their holes.
“The “Uncle Buck” Couch” — Again Philip saw more of Lynn Hamblin (way more) than he wanted when a towel that was reportedly being used to “cover” Lynn, “fell off” during the evening while he was sleeping on the aforementioned couch. Philip and the couch, were never the same.
“Phil Voice”: the vocal phenomenon whereby one’s voice, through the effects of just having awakened from a deep,dry sleep, drops down to James Earl Jones levels for 10-30 minutes. See also “Oh, My God! It’s James Earl Jones!!”
The Spherical Bee: A diety observed by prophet “‘Rob”‘ while hung over after an early gathering at BillFest (See also Corporate Retreat). This was followed the following year by a sighting of the arch-angel, the Cylindrical Bee. I suppose that there is a hypothetical cubic bee, pyramidal bee and hyperbolic-parabolic bee to name a few. These have not yet been observed, however. (Maybe Rob hasn’t been drunk often enough?) See SphericalBee…
“Vladimir Muhammed Pedro McWongstein” –(“Rob and I think The “senson” was added by someone else right afterwards, but I am not sure”-PhilipT) A Character Name developed by “‘Rob”‘. We would sit around and laugh about names for hours, but this one was the penultimate.Favorite Quotes:
A few Hearts-related expressions:
“I’ve got a hand like a foot” — when dealt a miserable collection of cards (in Hearts, or Bridge). Can be modified if warranted by the situation, i. e. “I’ve got a hand like a gangrenous foot!”
“Smokin’ yourself, eh?” — directed at player who repeatedly leads spades even when he or she is believed to be holding the Queen (Credit to Chris E.)
“Dirty pool, old man!” — directed at player who unexpectedly dumps the Queen on an undeserving opponent. Useful in many contexts outside of a Hearts game, as well.All-occasion quotes: when you care enough to say the very best.
“Would you like a sausage?” — Most repeated piece of a long answering machine message left in historic Knowles clan mansion by one Phil Hunter. Full text follows: “We’re not home right now. We’re out getting sodie pop at the Super 8 lodge. … Just Kidding. We’re out on a little rubber dinghy listening to a man saw his head off. … Would you like a sausage?” (See also, “Would you like a ‘nanna?”)
“…Bahee?” Ok, it is really just saying the word ‘bye’ but like it was a question, kinda stretch out the sound, raise at the end like it is a question, then drop sound suddenly. Comes from another answering machine message: “Hi, this is Phil Hunter for the Knowles family. We can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you at our earliest convenience. … Or yours. … Bye?”
“BUEY!!!” sp? Jeffery Scott (Lee’s) version of bye, works best when yelled at the top of your lungs in a pseudo-English Accent. 😉
“Mmmm…Garlic Chocolate Friend!!!” — Scott (I can’t BELIEVE no one put this up here before now! — Stacie)
“And here’s a song…” — various HHK projects
“You have a target, a military target — name the system.” — Star Wars, repeated for almost any occasion when someone is questioned as to course or direction. Example: Person a: Let’s have grapes. Person b: I don’t want grapes. Person a: You have a target, a military target? — Name the system.
“I hate games!” — Although it is possible I may have said this after losing at Monopoly, I think it’s more likely I said this after losing at Axis and Allies, or even more likely, Risk. To John. And escaping with my last troop to Mars! — Shawn
“Could I get the Bunch-a-Grease?” Refers to a tradition almost as hallowed as mugging up; going to Shakey’s Pizza (now defunct and demolished, alas) and getting the cheap all you can eat Bunch-a-Lunch special. However, the exact aforementioned quote was, amazingly, actually asked by Shawn when ordering said special. Shawn’s immediated horror was turned to a welcome humorous release by the Shakey’s lady’s reply, without missing a beat, “No, you’re thinking of McDonald’s.” — Shawn
“That’s what “she” said.” — all purpose follow-up to almost any comment someone makes. (ie. “That’s pretty high up there.” “That’s what “she” said.”, etc.)
“I don’t want to sleep on a rock and wake up with a wolf licking my balls.” — Philip’s anti-camping comment
“Butt cold” — an expression invented to describe the temperature of Rapid Creek when it isn’t really warm enough to be tubing. No matter how hard you try, a grown person really can’t lift all of their body out of a cold creek while riding on an inner tube. The butt is always immersed. See also “nut butt cold”.
“Oh, my God! It’s James Earl Jones!” — overheard shouted by Shawn at screening of Sneakers in 1992.
“It’s great.” “It’s big, all right.” — level of sophisticated verbal interplay found in early proto-HHK tape The Burger Wars (ca. 1986)
“I mean that only in the nicest way possible.” — Scott
“I want some FRIES. I want some FRENCH fries. I want some BIG_A** french fries. I want some MOTHER-F***IN, big-a** french fries” – Overheard in a small restaurant in the middle of nowhere, WY.
“Do you have that much?” this can be used in response to virtually any claim, but is particularly useful while gambling. This may have started because I (PhilipT) disliked the way that Lee would stack his Monopoly money in one pile, so no one would know how much money he had during the property auctions. I remember once he had to say, “Uh, no.” and the auction was over. See also, “I hate games!” which may have come from the same Monopoly game.
“You can’t do that to the people of South Dakota!” battle cry of Abdnorian Dakotans everywhere who are willing to fight and die for the “Great Faces” state.
“That’s just like sperm on a table!” Can be used to refer to anything ineffectual, pointless, helpless, incorrect, or otherwise not viable. AKA, the Sperm on the Table Argument.
Some classic argument-ending expressions: “I think I’ve thought about that more than you have!” or “You’re blind if you think that!” (See also YoureBlind) or “I think I’ve convinced you but you just won’t admit it.” or the variation, “I think I’ve convinced you but you just don’t realize it.” File under “Ego whip” or “Tower of Iron Will” Mental combat anyone???
Lyrics to the classic Horsethief Campground theme song (sung to “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns ‘n’ Roses) : Welcome to the campground, the fun-and-sun-center-of-the-Black-Hills! We’ve got lots of easy girls and some little red pills — at the campground, welcome to the campground, can I take your order, please? “John help me out here I can’t remember the rest of the lyrics…” — Andy
“Hoass-thie-ca’goun’, ken I hep yoo?” said with a raspy Barb voice. Barb was this strange lady who worked at the campground one summer.
“Chicken McFucked” – a generic kind of screwed
“Stubby says, waaahoooo!” “I wanna eat it!” “I’m gonna use my superbait!”
“I almost don’t want to know!” When mocking someone who hasn’t yet finished their less-than-interesting story.
“Stop looking at my food!” — Lee Howard
“Moo-hoo-ha-ha!” All-purpose maniacal laugh. See also “Mua-ha-ha!”.
“It’s possible.” Attributed to Gary Gygax, the notorious co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, when asked a question about some outlandish, complex move or series of actions at a convention.
“Shut up, Bitch” I, Andy, am sorry to admit that this is all I would say to Stacie for a period of several weeks in 1989. It seems simultaneously horrid and funny now. I still remember the peace talk brokered by Rob in Vienna. It was like the U.N. “Yeah, that was pretty appalling behavior (not that mine was much better). We should have known then that Rob was destined for law school. Maybe Shrub should get him to talk to the French.– Stacie”
“Whoever gets it, gets it” A classic Rahn saying. If you want some of that steak, you’d better have your Swiss Army knife out when it comes off the grill.
“Ching, ching, ching-ching!” (sword fighting) “oh, no!” (exaggerated woe, done falsetto hight pitch to low pitch on each word) “douh, doough, dough-dough” (boxing) “baowh, baowh, baowh-baowh” (trombone — I think Rob made this one up) “Aw-raiyhht” (“alright”, done with a high pitch natural but airy voice.) “Vvvwaauwh… vvwuwm, vwumw… shxkeeewop” (lightsaber) — Classic Rahn sound effects